Delirium’s Lemonade Hat-Song

I am the aardvark who empties his glass,
then goes for the bottle; he wants to get smashed.
I am the guitar that’s missing a fret
that you tried once to play for the sake of a bet.

I am the froggies that never stop croakin’
with a fury and din you can’t hear when you’ve woken.
I am the garden that grows bluepink flowers!
I am the song that your kid chants for hours.

I am the penpal who almost replied
from the far side of town – which is two miles wide.
I am the poodle who’s never undressed,
and old lady Crowley, who thinks he’s her guest.

You’re heard me inside you when you eat creams
of whipping, of ice, or of cheese, and it seems
I may be the waffle that brings you good cheer –
But I am the aardvark! I’ve stolen your beer.

(With apologies to Dana Gioia; this is a parody of “Vampire’s Nocturne,” which can be found here. I wrote this years ago, as a joke, during discussion in a poetry workshop, and recently found it again in an old notebook. Now presented for the world in general to perhaps be mildly amused by, outdated in-jokes and all.)